Miscellaneous Broadcastable Stories

Fantasy Football 2017 Playoffs Update

Tri-League Power Rankings

1. Ryan Waters (Tyreek Hill, Alvin Kamara, Carson Wentz, Alshon Jeffery, Melvin Gordon, Marvin Jones)

2.  Andy Snow (Julio Jones, Leonard Fournette, Todd Gurley, Tyreek Hill, Mavin Jones)

3. Justin Jarnold (Demarco Murray, Lesean McCoy, Keenan Allen, Tyreek Hill, Zac Ertz) 

4. James Buser - (Leveon Bell, Russell Wilson, Christian McCaffrey, Robbie Anderson, Jacksonville D)

5. Conor Stueckler (Antonio Brown, DeAndre Hopkins, Travis Kelce, Zeke Elliott, Christian McCaffrey) 

The Dutch League

After a long season of dutchies and doobs the cards have fallen and none other than Seany "Professor Poopstache" Mohollen, Joey Boots and Shawn Gartland, Mike Dicken, Ryan P. Luffey, and Andy Snow have made the playoffs. After being spread before Monday night even started it appears that Joey Boots will be out and Seanson Mohollen and Ryan P. are poised for the second round. 

Primetime Players: 

Seanny Poopstasche - Draft sleeper of the year Kareem Hunt, the consistent Lesean McCoy and the emergence of Josh Gordon led Seanson to a playoff victory. 

-Ryan P. Luffey has been steady relying on Russell Wilson and an assemblence of stiffs once Zeke Elliot went out, and has pulled together a once bleak chance at winning. 

-Andy M. Snow has ridden Leonard Fournette, Julio Jones, and the bounce back season of Todd Gurley to a bye week and is ready for next week's showdown. 

-Shawn Gartland has somehow found a way to lead the league despite have a decidedly shitty roster. With a late acquisition of Alvin Kamara, Gartland has overcome the anal spreading of Jordy Nelson once Rodgers was injured and found a way to ride Phillip Rivers coattails to the playoffs. Overacheiver of the league is most certainly Gartland. 

Who got fucked the worst?

This is without a doubt a victory by Matthew E. Snow. After putting together the most talented roster in the league with Leveon Bell, Gronk, Carson Wentz, and Alshon Jeffery, a flukey stat correction and awful mismanagedment has led this team to the shitter. Better luck next year to this asshole who got screwed. 

The Crew of Brew

In its 5+ years of existence the Crew of Brew playoffs include Ryan Waters, Garrett Rugen/Chris McCusker, Alex Fabris, 

Primetime Players:

Alex Fabris - Despite what seems to be a relatively shitty roster, Alex Fabris has done what he always has done in life, quietly succeeded. With D'Andre Hopkins leading the way alongside an inconsistent Cam Newton, Fabes has gotten it done. After a big victory over Chris and Garrett he will look to continue his lucky but timely success. 

Tom Quirk/Steve Weatherby - 

Despite possibly one of the worst team names in the history of Fantasy Football, that being Team McTeamface, Tom has worked his way into the playoffs. He currently holds a 20 point lead over arguably the greatest whiffleball/mittenball player over 200 pounds in Delco history in Steve Weatherby. Weatherby will be needing a solid performance from Tom Brady tonight for the victory. That being said, it was a noted but ultimately losing effort from the likes of Teamy Mcteamface. 

James Buser - With Russell Wilson and Leveon Bell on your team, you can probably just play the matchups and dominate a league. Case and point is here with James Buser. Does Jamison Crowder scream playoffs? How about Sterling Shepard? No. Despite this James has made some solid picks up and managed his team well enough to be sitting on a big matchup next week for a chance at victory. 

Ryan Waters -

Perennial contender Ryan Waters has assembled a roster of Zac Ertz, Carson Wentz, Alvin Kamara, Alshon Jeffery, Marvin Jones, and Tyreek Hill. He has credited his success to a surplus of people not paying attention. If Waters can find a way to replace Carson Wentz he may be poised for another Crew of Brew Title. 

Who got fucked the worst?

Matthew E. Snow brings home another who got fucked title after he forgot to fucking draft his team because he was doing some other shit. Despite this Julio Jones, Leonard Fournette, Marshawn Lynch, and Drew Brees just couldn't get it done. 

3305 Fantasy Football

After a powerful introduction video by none of than Connor J. Stueckler (middle initial not confirmed) the playoffs include Marc McEvoy, Coach John Stueckler aka Stumpdawg, Tommy Abel, Mark D'annibale, Justin Jarnold, and Conor Stueckler. 

Primetime Players:

Conor Stueckler - With Zeke Elliott out, Conor has rode Antonio Brown and DeAndre Hopkins all season and has been the beneficiary of these two 2017 fantasy stars. He will face a tough test without Zeke until the finals but could snag a big victory if he gets there. 

Justin Jarnold - With a steller stable of running backs including Demarco Murray and Lesean McCoy, Jarnold has an impressive team. With Keenan Allen performing at top level and Cam Newton's running ability, this team is poised for their first and only championship. 

Marc McEvoy/John Stueckler - Down by 20 points with only the Patriots Defense left, John Stueckler is within reach but needs a turnover filled performance for the win. McEvoy's team has turned in a solid season based off an unspectacular but consistent set of players including Mevlin Gordon, Alshon Jeffery, Carlos Hyde, Mike Evans, and Phillip Rivers. His across the board consistency could lead to a title run. 

Mark D'annibale - After leaving a resilient Tommy Abel warming up the bus after gaining a 52 pt lead on Sunday, Dee Ball will look to ride Russell Wilsons MVP like season along with Alvin Kamara to the title. Devonte Freeman and a few slightly above average receivers could be the difference. 

Who got fucked the worst:

Once again Matthew E. Snow has found his way to the most screwed over title again. Drafting Jordan Reed may have been lauded as genius at the time, but ultimately Jordan Reed was a complete shithead and ruined the season for him. Questions of why he bet on a Redskins player have reportedly been running through his head all season.